STANDARD ONE

There’s is an upsurge in the standard setting but broke ass girls in the streets. Girls who have set the bar for their peers so high that they themselves are struggling to keep tabs with. Unnecessary social pressure on the girl child.
These are girls who will demand Uber rides for dates to and fro. They are of the bandwagon that sayeth ‘me I can’t panda a matatu ‘ . Probably they can’t because they can’t afford the fare. Or they don’t know their way around these streets and are afraid to admit that bare minimum. Once they get to these dates they order meals they can’t even pronounce let alone prepare. You should see how much they struggle with the forks and knives and serviettes and/or napkins. Girl, your nature is as visible as your naivety .Stop embarrassing yourself and stick to your damn lane.
These girls walk in cliques characterized by fellow blondes. Don’t they say birds of a feather flock together? One is the ringleader and is usually the noisiset and ugliest. You have to seek validation from her before shooting your shot at her hotter friends. Then there are disciples; those who heed to her gospel like matatus to Michuki rules. If she says ‘twende tumkunywe tuhepe’ the whole herd of slayqueen tows the line. The fact is these girls are broke as fuck and are trying to take advantage of the bandwagon and Instagram groupies. This is the part Tupac sang ‘Fuck you and the clique you claim ‘…you claim to be a bomb ass and you ain’t shit.

You’d think Mia Khalifa is walking these streets by the way they overate their sex game on Instagram and WhatsApp statuses. You will only be surprised at how whack it actually is. Typical mende kufas. This is partly contributed to by the number of guys they are sleeping with ; they are ever exhausted from the rigours of sponsor and one night stands. Their mastery of bedroom(not limited to) affairs is as lame as Willy Paul’s lyrics in any of his songs.Yet their ego and braggadocio can only be matched by Floyd Mayweather. They are spent cartridges and worn out tyres. One moment, you’re trying your luck then one of your buddies asks you ‘Mbona unabuy gazeti jioni brathee??…..

We won’t allow these wannabes to destroy the good girls in the streets. People whose beauty we can wipe off with wet wipes. Beautiful from far yet far from beautiful. You’d struggle to decipher them with and without make up. Not to mention filters. If it rains they are doomed. No we won’t allow you to establish dominance. If your beauty is enhanced with wigs , twenty storey building foundations, eye shadows or whatever , sit down and be humble.
What’s even more appalling is the fact that there are men who still condone these women. They lick the ground these girls trample on and kiss their asses. They massage their ego. They are weak men. A man ought to have established dominance and this earns you a woman’s respect.Bruh, be ashamed; don’t lick these wannabes.
You got to choose a struggle girl. Don’t be broke, dumb and not good looking. Don’t be a combination. Trying to fit into a clique. You will only be pushing real men away. Be your own woman. Do not succumb to the pressure.

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Food For Thought

I have a huge problem with food and no, I am not constipating nor do I lack in appetite. Neither am I hungry. I have a bone to chew (not pun intended ) with foodies . Foodies who plaster it all over our social media to be specific. People who cannot have a plateful of French fries without letting their followers be in the know.
These wannabe foodies and attention seekers will not even utter a word of prayer before snapping a moment of their lifetime and posting it on the gram and Whatsapp status. But on Sunday they will be telling us they pray before anything and put the Mighty God before anything else- well, except their food pics. Come on you can do better than that.
You know what is most annoying? They won’t show you pictures of the day they are feeding on chicken feeds. Once they are in their usual kibandaski munching on chapati maharagwe they will be hiding behind the counter. And you won’t get a selfie for that… But wait on the day they come across the chicken itself. Oh boy! They will go bananas on how they love chicken and a name they cannot even pronounce. Your Instagram will not rest in peace with exotic meals they cannot even name ingredients for. Mouth-watering pictures will literally water your gram in an instant.
Instagram and social media is not another restaurant or food expo where we can go window shopping food. But look, it has become exactly that. Food left, right and center. You’d think you are in the Maldives or a food tasting event upon logging in onto Instagram .
What is more flabbergasting and annoying are all those pathetic adjectives that accompany the photos. Stupid captions and tags will always be in tow.
There are exceptions to this lists. Hotels, restaurants, food joints and their marketers are allowed to plaster food all over their platforms. This is their source of income and livelihood and therefore it’s a marketing strategy.
Come on, it’s food. Eat it. Let it be for Christ’s sake. And stop the braggadocio
Bon appetit.

THE TRAIN STATION

 

NOTE: This post has come in late but nonetheless enjoy

Whoever came up with African timing should see Kenyans awaiting the train. They would drown in shame, and disbelief. Almost all of them show up in time; others  on time. No one wants to miss the magical experience that is the SGR. Cars , nduthis ,taxis and buses stream in in extreme fashion as wanderlust and other travel enthuasists await to begin their journey.

HAPPY SOCKS

One man really catches my eye. He’s glued to his newspaper catching up on the latest. His spectacles are upon the nose. You know how old people like to place their reading aids –yes that way now. His beard is well trimmed – he resembles Will Smith. Then magically, he takes off his shoes and boom, he’s in happy socks. Black, grey and red spots. Am aghast– Kambas are amazed at anything colorful. He minds no one’s business and keeps glued to the newspaper. From his bag, he fishes out a glass ( yes, a man fetches a glass from his bag) and pours himself a Black Currant and gulps it all in one mouthful. He half fills and lets it rest on the waiting lounge cabro floor.  He is that cool.

To cap it off, mister lays across all the seats in his compartment and is again engrossed to his newspaper. Talk of being care free and minding your own business. Forget dancing like there is no music, this one is dancing like there is no music and nobody is watching. When I grow up, I want to be this carefree.

 

I take a moment to look at the horizon, the blue sea, lush bushes, tall palm trees and damn it is gorgeous. All of a sudden, my concentration is overtaken by a beautiful lass. Those lasses that Sauti Sol talk about in their songs- Melanin, Afrikan Star, Girl Next Door, Isabella, Lazizi all come into mind. She sits beside me. Her eyes are milk white with a tinge of brown cocoa. Something about her lips, luscious , pouty and wet with red lipstick makes me want to  say hi. And I bluff about it. But then my dad wouldn’t be proud if he heard I was afraid of saying hi to them beautiful species. So I do. Anyway it is always kind and respectful to say hi to your neighbors. She has a voice that clearly matches her outright beauty. Warm, receptive and a bit raspy. She would give most TV sirens a run for their money.

Am typing this from the  Miritini SGR Terminus. My stay in Mombasa has come to a halt.  Or pause. I don’t know which. The lecturers have decided to strike for two years and I miss home . Mombasa has all of a sudden become a boring den for me. It is just then that I realize how much those lectures add to being fun in Mombasa. It’s time to rethink what value am adding to myself with university education. Brokeness is also setting in- and there is nothing worse for a man other than that. Ask any , he will answer in the affirmative.

Just then The Big Show walks past me .Not the actual wrestler. But boy, he exactly resembles him- a well groomed beard , huge stature and a receding baldline. Only that he is not in those Big Show pants. He is in shorts- huge basketball shorts and a well-pressed check shirt. And Maasai  slippers. He’s clutching a mini-bag (by his stature).  I want to ask if he can sign an autograph for me; but then I don’t want to be smacked without a wrestling ring with all these people watching. Not to say the least nor a trademark slap to my otherwise young and fragile chest.

There are the usual photogens. It’s not a worthwhile journey if no one is taking pictures. Funny poses, tickly smiles and grins all charactarise most photos. Later they will be plastered all over Instagram with similarly outright captions and hashtags #takemeback #tbt #sgrtings and we will laugh and like. Plus they will look a bit different: filters and edits  are a norm and necessity if not compulsory.

Just then the buzzer comes in from the speakers and our train has arrived. I gesture to my neighbor you remember her) and guess what she’s headed to the same coach as me.

It’s going to be a memorable trip to Nairobi. Maybe one day I’ll write a composition about it with the tittle ‘THE DAY I’LL NEVER FORGET.’ And my teacher of English will be a proud one.

BEYOND FILTERS.

Relationships and  sex is a hard topic to handle.   Societal prejudice and ignorance reckon it taboo. Especially for a single guy.  But wait,  coaches don’t play.  Grab a seat a bottle and read the technical instructions,  from the gaffer.

Besides filters and instagram stories what more do you have to offer in a relationship. Modern day relationships have been twisted and orchestrated to fit social media. It is now an affair between two people,  plus the world. All in the name of love. But really it is just for the likes and instafame.

 

Most online relationships are a show-off.  A bargaining chip for acceptance into societal bliss of being happy and being content. In most cases,  many are cases of attention seeking,  desperate , insecurity bimbos who just flaunt fake love to get us jealous.

What else can you offer besides posting your partner with silly hashtags such as #mcm,#mce, # wcw,   #baegoals.  Feeding the internet with such things only serves to expose your ignorance and (lack of)  wit.  Your after sex pictures are an exposé of your lack of manners,  to say the least.

Are you there spiritually,  morally,  emotionally or even financially? Taking up these obligations would do your relationship better than building an instagram or facebook  post.  No online appraise can put a smile on your partner’s face than being there.

Ever wondered what happens to people who were once all lovey-dovey on social media then all of a sudden it all disappeared?Dang!   They broke up ! Now imagine the shame of netizens going ham on you about your relationship -you made it their business after all.  All of a sudden you turn into a motivational speaker and start preaching how men are dogs and how women are hoes (shit i disagree with and story for another day) .

 

Focusing on budding your relationship would be more satisfying to both of you than an instagram story of #yourgoalsaremytbt.  Adding filters to your selfies cuddling is not going to build a relationship.  We will watch your whatsapp status or instagram story and 24 hours later,  it will disappear -from our brains and phones too.  If s/he makes you smile emotionally , spiritually and morally you’ll long for more of that person.

Do not chase 24 hours of fake love.  Chase 24 anniversaries together.  And more.  Do not fall for the trap if all he/ she does is post it up on the gram every moment you are in close proximity. And he/ she disappears when you need them the most.

See you on the other side of bliss.

Rant and love in the comment section.

 

 

LET’S LAUGH ALL THE WAY INTO EACH OTHER’S HEARTS.

It been a really looong time since a blogpost came your way.  Ups and downs been keeping me at bay but now, babes I gatchu.  Till death do us part.

Something been bothering me in the last few days.  And where better to spill the beans than with you,  my favourites?

How do people who do not find humour sexy survive a relationship?  People who sulk up at jokes and anything funny.  You ever made jokes to someone you are interested in and they reply with a sulky face with ‘i dont like people who joke ‘.

How am I even supposed to live with you if we cannot have a light moment?  And see your teeth. And hear your funny laughter ? And tickle the clothes out of your beautiful  body if you dont find anything i say funny ??

Laughter makes us forget all our problems and get taken away in the moment.  In any case,  who ever died of laughter?  On the contrary,  laughter increases our days on earth. And that way we can stay closer.

They say it’s all good to date a funny guy. He’ll make you laugh and laugh until you find yourself naked. And is getting naked with someone you love and getting down (not pun intended)  to serious business not a wonderful thing?.  Hopefully they are not are a joke bedroom  matters.

I once met a girl. She would give Wema Sepetu a run for her money with her beauty and booty.  Her fragrance was so captivating.  So i approached her and started a conversation. Everything was going on all well till i started infusing jokes and humour into the conversation.

All of a sudden she sulks up and the conversation ends up becoming trash. I just walked out on her and told her it could never work out if she did not find humour a good quality in a guy.

What she fails to realise is the so  obvious fact that humour is a recipe for relieving stress.  Even the holy book and science agree on that.  On a bad day,  what would come in handy than a smile without having to spend a penny.  Thats the power of a laughter.  It makes you forget all your tribulations. With no penny spent.

Take the heat out of difficult situations with a joke in there.

Disclaimer,  i am not saying you lose your mind and go making jokes at everything and everywhere.  Find an appropirate environment to make jokes. Do not laugh at a funeral – that will be disrespectful and most importantlu,  the deceased will haunt you.

Learn to infuse humour with romance and trust you me,  your relationship will be sweeter than Nameless’  and Wahu’s.

Adios.  Chao.

And ofcourse,  dont fail to thank me later. In the comment section.

 

THE AFTERTHOUGHTS

Ladies and gentlemen,
Guess you were all waiting for this. Sorry I kept you waiting
I guess we should make this trend  #whiletitwasaway , honestly. #whiletitowasaway, so many exceptional moments took places so did the not so fortunate. Kenyans were so much hyped with Chris  Brown some never got to see;though hawapendi  ujinga.Trump was exposed for  ‘grabbing women by the pussy” and a  lame male rascal was yapping shamelessly on facebook about molesting a minor. And women were exposing men for hitting on them.
To begin with, Chris Brown was a waste of time . You don’t cough up to 50,000 shillings to go stad alone in a concert which should be filled up  with fellow revelers.  Lets say the concert was not meant to be filled  that is why they were charging rocket high prices for the tickets. We all love CB but ata sadaka hatutoangi mingi hivo. Hahaha. Secondly the event organizers got the venue completely wrong. Nairobians are better party animals than the  Coasto people.It would be a  huge uphill task to spill 6000 bob on tickets and still cater for fare to and fro Mombasa and accommodation.
I thank God am not  American . I don’t know how we would survive in the same country with one shitty  Donald Trump. I believe every  American is liberal minded and wotn just vote in Donald Trump . Oldabits die hard that is why he wont respect women and recognize them as valuable human beings even when he assumes Presidency of the free world. Yeah I would vote in Trump for the respect I have for women. Ask Philip Etemesi{pun itended}
Dryspell  is never an excuse for defilement.A fully grown should never take pride in bedding or bushing a a school going child. A man should be able to handle and  convince women his age.Atleastt he should grow some hairy balls and TRY women his age.
Ladies, wherever a man approaches you he got some interest  in you.If he does it  n the streets  in the matatu  or the workplace  get it to your head. Don’t expose him for being a man ; atleast he made an effort.Dont ask him ‘where did you get my number?’ .You maybe pushing your soulmate away. Even if he got it from your mama mboga; guess that is also unprofessional .
Have a good one.Never forget the comments section
Muchas gracias.

THE INTRO

Ladies and gentlemen,
Welcome to titospeaks.wordpress.com.For long i have harboured dreams of being a blogger; and as the world conquering Lupita Nyong’o said ‘all dreams are valid’ mine is now achieved.
I am Steaforth Titus, commonly Tito , a Journalism and Mass commnucation student at Technical  University of Mombasa.
I look forward to provide a platform for you to unwind on issues spanning ,but not limited to, love , gossip ,showbiz ,sports and mild politics.
Positive criticism is always welcome.Dont forget the comments section below and spread the gospel according to titospeaks.wordpress.com
Philip Etemesi watch out, Bro.
Muchas gracias…